Monday, March 18, 2013

pictures

something old
something new
something borrowed
something blue
a silver sixpence in her shoe
rogue diamonds rust in two bottomless buckets held by an arm less child. And she swings them back and forth as they scatter across the faux satin floor. She smiles and her teeth show, pearls tangled in fishing line that her father had discarded months ago.
her eyes shine as nebulas pour out of them and slither down her chest taking in a new home across her belly filled with gaping holes.
O
O O O
O O O O O
O
O O O

her tongue unfurls as she makes room for cascading laughs to roll out
some sick nasty shit

O
O O O 
O O O O O 
O
O O O

She doesn't exist so you shouldn't worry about the
monsters hidden underneath your bed. 
Although this particular one will eat your puppies and throw up a cat 
if 
insulted.
But don't worry about that
cause it doesn't really happen.
well, that's what my cousin Jimmy said. 
I haven't seen him in years. 
I think he's dead. 
killed in his sleep. 
he choked. 
on a hair ball.
But I wouldn't worry about that
because if you do believe in her
and think she's under your bed
and lay out a plate of food for her every night
so she doesn't eat your dog
and trigger the tigger
you belong in a mental institution.




























She can't get you there.




Monday, March 11, 2013

What you learned from 90's TV shows



Let's recap:

1. If your bra is too tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is too tight, I'm uncomfortable.
2. Only some of us stay beautiful unless you go and get elastic perjury.
3. The classroom is no place for the exchange of ideas!
4. It is not nice to push your friend Billy off a roof and then yell "Look neighbors! It's raining Billy!
5. Topanga!
6. And this. (But that's mostly because everyone should)
7. Cathy Santoni is a complete bimbo. She signed up for Shop Class cause she thought it was taught at the mall.
8. It's not martial arts, it's survive. It was invented by the French.
9. Dogs guard; cats watch... and judge
10. Monsters are just frigments of your infactuation

It's interesting enough that you jumped in AND managed to miss the glass. You didn't get shredded into a million pieces and you definitely didn't bounce back. You went right in. It's an adventure ya know? 
But don't expect it to happen again. If, by some miracle it does, you'll most likely end up caught in the middle of a wall or with half an eyeball gone. 
And nobody wants to walk around with one and a half eyeballs. Sicknasty.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Ecolecua!

Ingredients:
- Funny French Accent (because cooking isn't cooking without a FFA)
- A watch, slightly delayed
- One boring story
- One exciting story
- One doesn't-make-any-sense story
- A pot

                            (you probably bought the wrong kind of pot. after your trip, come back)


Procedure:
- Mix everything together
- Churn out crap

              (don't worry, someone will like your crap. it may even be published. actually, it probably will)
- If you failed, bring out that stash you bought accidentally.
- If you succeeded, bring out that stash you bought accidentally.